Rudy Giuliani & The 4 Seasons Depress Conference!
Updated: Nov 9, 2020
Rudy Giuliani and Bernie Kerik [to Rudy's right] together again, almost twenty years after helping keep NYC safe and calm in the immediate days and months after 9/11.
This is a story about one man's tireless efforts to work for his client in a way that no lawyer has ever done before (probably for good reason!) Regardless of where you stand politically, watching the Rudy Guliani's press conference on Saturday at Four Seasons Total Landscaping in Northeast Philadelphia (and the story behind it) is one of the most needed comedy highlights of a truly horrible year.
On Saturday November 8th, President Donald Trump's lawyer scheduled a press conference for 11am in PA to shine a light on what President Trump believed were irregularities in that state's vote count. It made perfect sense to schedule it in PA since that was where the entire country was focused as the final ballots were being tabulated.
Now timing in life is everything and location runs a close second. Only Rudy and can answer why he would schedule the press conference on Saturday morning when there was a good chance that PA would be called for Biden in the middle of his presser (which it was). And only Rudy can answer how he decided on scheduling such a high profile event in the parking lot of a local landscaping company (aptly named Four Seasons Total Landscaping) that was smack next door to the Fantasy Island Adult Books and across the street from Philadelphia Crematories!
Did he think an adult book shop meant it was a book shop for grown ups...as opposed to a book shop that catered solely to Young Adults ["Hunger Games" and "The Fault In Our Stars" 50% off at Teens Only Books?]
Did he mistake Philadelphia Crematories for Philadelphia Brews Creamery? I mean they do have a great slogan; "all natural handmade ice cream churned with local beers."
And why, God why, did Rudy pick a location that shared the name of an elite hotel chain which you would think would be the PERFECT location for the lawyer of one of the countries most renowned real estate moguls and a hotelier himself?
How could Rudy (and for that matter Bernie Kerik) have fallen so far from their perch? Almost twenty years earlier, Rudy (with Bernie at his side) kept NYC safe and calm in the immediate days and months after 9/11. Now look at them, side by side in a landscapers parking lot next to an adult book shop, anchoring a press conference representing the President of the United States.
So now, thanks to Rudy, this dusty strip known as State street (which runs parallel to the Delaware Expressway) has become as well known as the Grassy Knoll (and some might say with the same results...only this time it was an assassination of character.)
Google Map of State Street which will guide you from Four Seasons Total Landscaping, to Fantasy Island Adult Books (make a right when exiting) and Philadelphia Crematories (right across the street).
How this all came to be is still being sorted out. We need our own Warren Commission for this but until then this blog post will have to do. I will update this posting accordingly as new details emerge. There is so much to unpack here that I will give you a brief overview followed by just a sample of the laugh out loud Twitter comments and press stores this debacle has generated.
Timeline Of Rudy's Four Seasons Press Conference
The Four Seasons press conference was first announced by the President himself in a series of three tweets on Saturday morning. Now we all have made this kind of mistake (mainly via email.) You know...things like "The meeting will be on the 11th floor conference room at 3p", quickly followed by "Sorry I meant the 3rd floor conference room at 11pm" quickly followed by "sorry that should have been 11am!"
Tweets (especially the President's) travel with lightning speed throughout the world and even though the President made it clear at 9:45am that it would be at "Four Season Landscaping!" (with his requisite exclamation point...his version of Homer Simpson's "DOH")...confusion reigned.
At 10:45am after, receiving an avalanche of press inquires, the Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia issued their own tweet clarifying that not only was the presser NOT (all caps theirs!) happening at their hotel, they had no affiliation with Four Season Total Landscaping (because apparently people confuse getting their lawn mowed regularly with luxury hotels.)
You can imagine everyone's surprise when they showed up at 7347 State Rd to find the presser being staged in the back of Four Seasons Total Landscaping company, a gravel stones throw from the Fantasy Adult Book shop and Philadelphia Crematories.
State Road...the new Grassy Knoll!
Midway through Rudy's criticism of PA's ballot counting credibility, the news broke that Joe Biden had officially won the state of Pennsylvania which of course meant that he was now the President-Elect. Yep, Rudy got the news that Trump lost the election at his own press conference about fighting the results. I mean you can't get anymore meta than that..."Meta The Press" anyone? What happened afterwards is a thing of beauty and why social media is essential (and even a lifeline) at a crazy time like this.
What follows is the press conference in its entirety which needs to be watched numerous times (it's like a thirty seven minute version of the Zapruder film) along with some of the best tweets and news reports that covered this amazing news event.
The Entire Rudy Giuliani Press Conference
Rudy Giuliani Four Seasons Total Landscaping De-Press Conference in its entirety!
SNL Weekend Update Reports On Giuliani Press Conference
Kate McKinnon brilliantly channel's Rudy Giuliani on Saturday Night Live's take of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference.
World News Coverage Of The Press Conference Heard 'Round The World!